Cam's Science Experiments

I must confess: I love experiments. 

In fact, I'm fairly certain that my life is a long series of trial and error events that frequently lead somewhere other than the expected result.  Many of my experiments have become passions while others have fizzled into unrecognizable blobs, destined to be cleaned up one day (like my truck).  While most of you have been around for many of the things, here are a few that I have been reflecting on recently while meddling with my latest experiment...Gardening. 

Cooking: 
Hypothesis: Edible nourishment can be created by combining various "food" items and using "modern" technology like ovens, spatulas, and 200hp deluxe food processors.
Method:  Open refrigerator, grab minimum of 5 ingredients, prepare in the quickest possible way that requires the least amount of energy.
Observations:  Food seems to burn unusually easy; may be a glitch in the cooking methodology (see following).  Step 1. Put all items in skillet and place on burner.  Step 2: stir occasionally.  Step 3: Cat knocks something over and breaks it.  Step 4: chastise the cat, clean up the broken object, do internet research for cat shock collars.  Step 5: Turn off smoke alarm, return to skillet of charcoal briquettes that were once recognizable as pieces of food. 
Result:  Mediocrity bordering on an ongoing stomach ache. 
Conclusions:  If you can find it in the kitchen, I can overcook it.  Greatest success found with foods that start with "Mexican" and end with "spicy". 

Foosball: 
Hypothesis: If you devote a ridiculous amount of time to something that requires fine motor skills and physics (like batting a little red ball back and forth), you will eventually learn profound things about yourself.   
Method:  Quit climbing, going outside, and all activities in general.  Buy a foosball table.  Spend 8-12 hours per day doing the same thing over and over, hoping that the result will be different "next" time. 
Observations: Small, seemingly imperceptible changes in direction can have very profound results on the eventual trajectory of objects.  Understanding the game, the variables, strategy, and being capable to "execute" your plan will allow you to have greater chances at success, but will not guarantee it.  There is always a random and unanticipated element to the game that can define whether you win or lose; often this element of chance surfaces at the most important times and can either leave you feeling uplifted and relieved, or crushed and discouraged.  

Result: A very mediocre foosball game full of faults, tells, and frustration, but a new understanding and method of approaching the game. 
Conclusions:  Without a doubt, foosball was one of the most beneficial and profound experiments I have ever done.  It was also a great way to get tendinitis in wierd places and be ruthlessly mocked by all non "foos" friends. 

My Truck: 
Hypothesis:  Every object has a purpose...even the ones that some would deem as "Trash". 
Method:  Insert gas, change oil occasionally, but only clean truck when ABSOLUTELY necessary, which is essentially never.
Observations: On a long enough timeline, in the right environment, plastic will begin to decompose. Biological waste on the other hand, generally breaks down much faster -- except for baby clams (anonymously duct taped into the door panel...Matt) and stashed cans of tuna, which fester and create an ungodly nauseating stench that never really goes away.

Result: Thousands of miles and memories.  There's always something to write on and you can use an assortment of random objects to McGuyver just about anything...like a Slim Jim to break into your own truck after you lock the keys inside.  Scraps of paper that remind you of cool people you met 3 years ago and lame people you left behind in high-school. 
Conclusions:  Don't clean the car.  You're being environmentally responsible by starting (and perhaps finishing) the decomposition process.  Think of it as mobile composting, one step closer to sustainable living.  You could also take it to the next logical step by planting a small pine tree in your compost on your bumper.  I've heard there have been studies that show pine trees thrive with increased CO2, so it would be a perfect way to reduce emissions while fully maximizing your car's potential. 


The current experiment:
The Garden....Pics to follow....

The Nakeds

Picture this...you're walking down the streets of Barcelona...

Wall to wall people: look left- there's a mass of German tourists straight of the bus, look right-there's an even larger mass of Japanese tourists shooting pictures blinding you with their camera flashes. Everyone looks the same: heads, shoulders, arms, legs, hair or no hair, glasses or no glasses, clothes....

or no clothes?????

Eye stimulation was everywhere. Cam, Elise and I had spent the past two days walking around the city gathering an arsenal of beautiful pictures of all that the city of Barcelona had to offer. Between the enormous market just off the side street of the Ramblas and the Sagrada de Familia- the church that Gaudi designed and is under permanent construction to be finished in the distant future- our heads were overflowing with Catalunyan culture! It was spectacular.

At the particular moment referenced above, we had just spent an entire day walking all over the city. Our brains were saturated, and brain function took a couple seconds longer to process than normal. Elise and I were walking next to each other with Cam trailing a few steps behind (although Cam can out-hike most people on any mountainside, when you get him traveling he walks slower than any snail I've met). ;)

We were walking down the Ramblas (a famous tourist street in Barcelona) and I was observing all the funny fellow tourists around me, when I noticed a couple of men that somehow just didn't fit in with the rest of the crowd. Focusing in on them, I wondered, "Hmmm....something is different about those guys. What is it? It looks like that old man has a lot of tattoos...is that it? No, though old guys with lots of tattoos aren't totally normal, there's something even stranger about these guys." As I reflected on why these two men struck me as looking so strange, it hit me like a ton of bricks...: "I see their penises!!!! They have no clothes on!" Then I realized that they had no body hair either...they had definitely prepared for this moment for a while! I knew there was something different about them! There was an older man and a young man just trompsing down the most crowded street in all of Barcelona totally buck naked!

Suddenly, when I realized what was happening, I turned to Elise, "Elise, do you see their weeners??? They have no clothes on!" Of course, Elise had realized this fact without my help. After the initial shock waned I noticed that there was a crowd of people following the naked men snapping pictures of the onlookers (Elise and me included), who must have had their jaws fully ajar coupled with hilariously shocked expressions on their faces. I immediately picked my bottom jaw up off the ground and passed the "Nakeds". I had to get just one more glimpse after I had passed them (I mean how often do you get to see two naked, completely shaved men walking down the middle of the street) and noticed the old man had what looked like the butt of a swimming speedo tattooed on his butt! At least he covered his bottom for us all, how proper of him.

Needless to say, Cam, Elise and I laughed the whole way home remembering that scene...crazy naked people in Barcelona! ;)

Faux pas...did I mess up???

So Cam and I have had a few funny situtations happen to us so far (and I'm sure we'll have many more to come through out our stay). But I thought I'd share some so far.

1. (Star: STEPH. Stage Left enters Steph and Cam in one of the 80 hardware stores they've been to since they've got to France) Following the tradition in France when one enters a store, Steph turns to the store clerk to say "Bonjour". In the millisecond before Steph says bonjour, the store clerk says something to her. Thinking he also said bonjour, Steph continues with the greeting. A half of a second after the whole greeting ceremony has past, the store clerk is looking at a Steph with a strange expression on his face. Only at this moment does Steph realize that the store clerk did not actually say "Bonjour", rather he said "This is an exit, not an entrance". Now Steph realizes that's what he said, and that her response was "Bonjour!" --said with a big Steph smile! Ahhhh, it was great. After that Steph laughed and her and Cam hurried out to the actual entrance of the store. :)

2. (Star: CAM. Stage Right are Cam and Steph waiting in the check out line at one of the 90 gardening stores they have been to since coming to France) Cam and Steph are waiting in line, for the cashier is just finishing up with the customer in front of them. As the cashier is starting her closing or "au revoir (good-bye)" with the customer before us, she turns her eyes quickly toward Cam, as if to acknowledge that she knows we are next in line.

Now here I must pause for an explanation...Cam is working very hard trying to learn French, and one of the most useful techniques he has picked up is the "Parrot Technique". It is named this for the fact that the technique uses mimicry in place of analytical thought processes. It goes as follows: someone says something, you say the same thing back. It's a great technique for saying hello, putting a closing on an email, and saying good bye (or so he thought until this situation occured).

Now, back to the check out line...there is Cam looking at the lady, using his most masterful "Parrot Technique" skills. The cashier says "au revoir (good bye)" to her customer, glances at Cam, and Cam responds "au revoir" back to the cashier. As you can imagine, the next couple of minutes were a little strained, for the cashier then had to say "bonjour" to Cam to check out the items we were purchasing. So in true Parrot fashion Cam responded "Bonjour". So essentially, the conversation went in reverse. An english translation: Open the greeting with good-bye, then say hello, then say good-bye again! It was hilarious! So just a word of warning to those that are considering using the parrot technique...use it carefully, it can backfire as much as it can help.

John Stewart on Crossfire...

International Driver's License Poll

So....Steph was trying to decide which of the following photos to use for her new International Drivers License.  We need some input....

Here are the options:

Option 1: Sexy Duck

Option 2: Happy Bulldog

Option 3: I'm Too Sexy For My Pants

Option 4: Pelican Choking on a Fish

Option 5: Monkey Moose

Option 6: Studious Duck (Sny Dog Rules!)

Ok!  Your votes determine the outcome!

Paint Stripper

Facade Off
Paint stripper so strong it'll take the guilty smiles off politicians!

 

When you have a persistent paint job that just won't go away, try Facade Off for a new change of face!  New and improved industrial strength will change your life with one, fast acting formula of poetic proportions.  Swift as a bullet, our product will blow away the unsightly look of your old walls and leave you with a blank canvas and a fresh start.  We guarantee it!

Customer Reviews

Score: (1 out of 10)  Fresh Start?  Yeah Right

By R.L. Perez (Leon, Ni) on September 21, 1956

This product is crap!  It promises a blank canvas, but can't deliver!  It got rid of the old paint as swift as a bullet like it says, but when we tried to repaint the walls of our houses, nothing but the same old paint color would stick.  Explain that!  What a hoax.  What's the point of repainting if you have to paint with the exact same crap as the first time?  

Plus, I found Facade Off to be toxic to my health and fear that I'll lose years of my life because of it.  I say this product sucks...I had high hopes when I bought into the idea of a change of paint, but was less than satisfied with the net result.

R.I.P

(edit) R.L.P